Today particularly, after 12 months of being easy on the carseat, she decided she didn't like it anymore. She wanted to be seated on my lap and press the window button. I, knowing better, of course placed her in her car seat whether she liked it or not. She wailed, held her breath, cried, shouted, fisted her hands, kicked her feet and I had to do what I had to do. I let her cry! She was not getting what she wanted. Not even attention. I hated seeing her cry, but I would hate it more if other people hated her for being spoiled and bratty.
Yesterday at the dinner table, she ate only a little bit and was most likely full from her late afternoon snack and tired from playing. As a result, she threw a mini tantrum and swiped the tumbler that was offered to her. I talked to her with a steady voice and a serious face and she cried. But I was not going to baby talk her and comfort her because as early as 12 mos, she understands that she is not supposed to do that and yet she does and she tries to get away with it by crying.
Discipline must start with us as parents and we must discipline not out of anger, frustration or shame but out of love. I love my daughter so much I never want her to experience the results of a bad attitude so I want to help her cut and break the roots of that as early as now. She finally cut it out 10 minutes before we reached home and when we did, she was smiling and hugging and kissing me. I talked to her about patience and that I love her so much I am doing the best way I can to keep her safe in the car. She may be too little to understand now but I just want to be very clear of my intentions and purpose for every little thing I do for my child.
At this very moment, L is peaceful and contented breastfeeding in my arms. I am in no position to claim I am a perfect parent or that what I am doing is what every mother would do. But every parent only wants and does what she thinks is best for her child. It is a tough world out there and my personal judgement tells me that as a mom, I have to be tough sometimes. Better learn early on and have a firm foundation rather than stumble and repeatedly fall when she is older.
I ask myself... Now she cries about little things that don't go her way and I don't let her be because I know better and I got her back. As children, we don't understand this. My mom's famous line "you'll only understand when you are a mom yourself" echoes in my mind and I guess this is where her tough love begun.
I pray everyday for God's guidance for wisdom and good judgement. R and I cannot do this alone.
Dear L,
When you're a bit bigger and will learn to read, you will read this and experience new feelings each time you do in every milestone in your life. When you are 13 and feel like you know everything, 16 and ready to conquer the world, 18 (with a boyfriend?), whatever age... I pray you will learn and realize each time that I love you, I always do. Whenever you feel alone, maybe you did in the carseat today because I never gave in to taking you out of it until we reached home, know now and always that I am holding your hand in mine praying that you will always rise above and flourish and be the person God intends for you to be.
(Tough) Love,
Mommy
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